Candlestick Massage Therapy

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  • Belonging

    By Prashant Bhatt

    Scenario- A single mother in her forties trying to reconstruct the story of her life without a toxic dynamic with her ex, when she went into emotional relapse after he reneged on child support.

    Goal setting phase: Precontemplation and Contemplation

    In the initial phase of therapy, we went through her story of moving from India to the US, living in a big house, supporting her husband to establish himself in the IT sector, bringing up two daughters, supporting her own and her in-laws’ families,  things started going south.  After a bitter three years of legal wrangling she finally managed to get a divorce. She moved to Canada and is nurturing her daughters. Her first Diwali as a single mom was a moment of realization of her changed circumstances.

    We went through the beginning and course of her relationship with her ex, who she says is the only intimate partner she has ever had. However, this was not true for her ex, who has had other intimate partners. On being asked on her family of origin, using the family sculpting technique (describe a dinner in your childhood, where were the family members sitting, what were they talking, how were they interacting with each other, and what was the atmosphere like- and given what you know now- how would you rearrange that dinner) she was able to reconnect to threads of her life which had become dormant in the quarter century relationship with her ex, nurturing the family, immigration and the stress of the breakup.

    What do I need from therapy

    The Humanistic approach of Carl Rogers believes that every person tries to grow towards light, just as a plant in a basement will move towards sunlight. If one gives the necessary conditions of empathy, unconditional positive regards and genuineness, persons who have never told their story will see areas of growth. 

    To her repeated question of what I need from therapy, I held back and told her I am just a fellow traveler, and she has to make her choices, in her context. I can point out her blind spots, but the choice to work upon them will be hers. Making sense of abuse and neglect and putting one’s life narratives together can be done  by looking at Carl Rogers’s theory of personality in which he states that the organism reacts to the field as it is perceived. For the individual, this perceptual field is reality.

    Dissecting the layers: Tell the story of your life without your Ex. 

    After almost two sessions of listening to her story as she was telling, with only two conditions- 1- she should do her homework 2- she should keep a journal of the story-teller- (how the story is being told by the story teller) I asked her to tell her story without her ex. “Keep him in the parking lot, and let us now see what is in your car, who are your co-passengers, how did you reach here, where are you going, how will you reach there.”

    This was a Pause Moment when she had a loss of words. It was also a moment of realization when she realized that even over two years of divorce there are still unprocessed hurts, unaddressed feelings which are creating raw hurts daily, and she is re-traumatizing herself. We went into the Attachment Trauma model and are processing different aspects of Belonging and Becoming.

    …

    If you would like to process an issue/ relationship in your life, and get a customized step by step plan of action, you can contact- Prashant Bhatt-6478181385.

    We collaborated using the Integrative Couples and Sex Therapy (ICST) model to explore areas of Passion, Intimacy, Commitment and Kindness.

     

    Tools- 1- Story and Story of the Story Teller

               2- Parking Lot

               3- Family Sculpting

     

     Story and Story of the Story Teller

    Story- Revisiting who where when why what how

    Eg- When I first met ….                   Where did we go

                        What shared memories         Who knew then  Who knows now

    Story of the story teller-  How I tell myself this story

     Eg- How does this relate to my character, life, now.

           Am I telling this story from a Victim or Victor point of view or am I detached

           Are there any resentments, hurts, unprocessed feelings which need to be addressed

     

     

     

     

     

    Parking Lot 

          Revisiting- who are my fellow travelers

           Review-   If I tell my story without this person, how will it be different

          Practice- Telling the story, while putting that person/event into the Parking lot

        Parking Lot- let me not ride the wave of anger, resentment, desires, clinginess (positive or negative) towards a particular person , circumstance or event, and see how my hour, morning, day, week, become different 

     Keep a Log – using the Parking Lot Tool

      Log when you started getting these persons/events/circumstances out of the Parking Lot and started driving them..

    How did your approach, hour, day, week change

    …

    Discuss

    ….

     

     

     

    Family Sculpting

    Sculpting is imagining each person where they were sitting in a family meal together. What were they saying? How was the atmosphere? What happened six hours before that meal together? 

    If it was an ideal meal, how would the persons sitting interact with each other

    What do I need to do to make a shift from the real to the ideal? How realistic is my plan? Can I do something measurable and meaningful to change the dynamic? For example- we cannot change past hurtful remarks or ignoring of near and dear ones, but one can make living amends and decide to live differently and be present, be calm, relaxed and appreciate and value our current near and dear ones.

    Write a paragraph on this theme and bring to next session

  • Dragons and Donkeys: Approaches to Anger

    By Prashant Bhatt

    I make myself rich by making my wants few

             Henry David Thoreau

    Modern man no longer communicates with the madman . . …

      and expels from the memory all those imperfect words, 

    of no fixed syntax, spoken falteringly, in which the exchange, between madness and reason, was carried out. 

    Michel Foucalt, 1961, History of Madness

    In this article we discuss ways in which different approaches can benefit in defining an issue, taking the example of anger. Anger leads to loss of equanimity.       

    The word equanimity comes from Latin roots meaning “even” and “mind”. Holding what passes through your mind in spaciousness to stay in balance, moving beyond the reactive mode is achieved by Equanimity. The chain of expectations, desires, wants, are broken leading to alleviation of suffering. 

    The following are some exercises which I have found useful in moving into Equanimity.

    1-      Write down ways in which one starts becoming less balanced. 

    A written record of the ways in which one starts going into the cycle of expectations, desires, wants, fears, greed, disgust can give a good opening into the habits of the heart and head. One way to sharpen this focus is to read a newspaper/news-site for 15 minutes and keep classifying under the headings of greed, fear, disgust the feelings evoked by the articles.

     2- Developing Borders and Boundaries:  Remembering Spencer (White, 1984; White, 2007)

    Spencer, the young boy who had the issue of soiling was told to characterize in near and particular terms, how this issue is affecting and ruling his life. His parents were told to characterize how this issue rules and ruins their lives. Then Spencer was asked to give a name to this issue of Soiling. He called it Mr.Mischief. They went on to relate to this issue in a particular rather than general manner, and in a near rather than distant way, thus helping define the boundaries and borders of the issue, get a better handle on it and define their relationship to the issue. 

    This example of Spencer, illustrates how to externalize and objectify an issue which is affecting one’s life, and then create a statement of position map, which can help one create a plan and monitor our process.

     

    3-     Creating personal examples : Balance of the Lotus

     

    Eastern traditions see the Lotus flower as an embodiment of purity, enlightenment and rebirth. The balance between beauty and adversity are shown in the growth process of the Lotus, as it emerges above mud and water. It symbolizes  harmonious balance between earthly struggles and divine purity.

     

    Nature walks and creating living symbols of these experiences has been a way to enhance balance in my life.

     

    4- Case Scenario: Anger seen through different counselling approaches (Narrative/CBT)

     

    Mr. S, presents with anger, which has affected his work, relationships, standing in community

    NARRATIVE THERAPY APPROACH

    • Externalize – The history of anger, as if it is a creature outside of oneself waiting to get inside you
    • Therapist Role-is on listening, accepting, non-judgmental, non-confrontational statements..to be like a Junior Partner, Investigative Journalist, 

    CONTRAST WITH CBT APPROACH

     

    BASIC ID-Behaviour- writes angry letters, throws plants 

    Affect                feels humiliated 

    Sensations        pounding heart

    Imagery              sees himself being taken away from grandson

    Cognitions          I am a middle aged man who is being deprived of my rights,

                                 standing in unfair manner

    Interpersonal     angry at wife , sons, in-laws

    Drugs                 takes alcohol to drown the pain

    NARRATIVE THERAPY approach uses interventions like externalizing, metaphors, mapping to develop a near and particular relation with the issue.

    Mr.S went into the history of anger, by asking to see it as a creature outside oneself who is thinking of ways to trick him into losing his calm.  Mr.S told of his early years of immigration from Bombay, India to Canada, how he saw his mother being beaten by his alcoholic father, his being bullied in school. As he became a teenager, he stopped these things as best as he knew.The “Bullied became the Bully”. On being asked to give a name for Mr.Anger he came up with two metaphors. He first called Mr.Anger the “Dragon”. However, on reflection he said, “If I am still riding this creature and getting taken for a ride in my seventh decade of life, then I am riding a Mr.Donkey”.

     

     After establishing rapport, agreeing that anger-related issues are worth exploring and addressing, we set about seeing how Mr.S has constructed his life around anger by

    1- Externalizing anger

    2- Deconstructing anger narratives

    3- Re-authoring personal stories

    4- Exploring values and intentions

    5-Creating alternative responses

     

    1- Externalizing anger

     

           Encouraging Mr.S to treat Mr.Anger as a separate entity or character helped distance himself from anger and view it as something outside of his core identity. Be doing this he gained a new perspective on his anger, started seeing how his life would be without anger and create a map to challenge the dominance of anger in his life.

     

    2- Deconstructing anger

     

             We explored the stories and meanings Mr.S attaches to his anger. Through telling these stories we were able to examine the underlying beliefs, assumptions, and cultural influences that contribute to his anger. For example, as he recalled the weekend discussions which turned into angry arguments in his family of origin, he became more clear about how issues of safety, and the way to deal with un-ease through lashing out or suppressing became a dynamic in his life. This has in different forms played out in his family of creation, and he can now see this pattern even in his interactions with the in-laws of his sons. Deconstruction helped gain insight into the origins and maintenance of anger.

     

    Scripting of the scenarios which continue to trouble him in is life in the present, helped develop alternative interpretations. Through role plays, we started developing better results.We refined these approaches through counselling and keeping an Anger Journal (He called it Riding with Mr.Donkey journal)

    3- Reauthoring personal stories: 

    The scripts made through externalization,deconstruction tools above helped Mr.S gain the power to rewrite his narratives, explore alternative perspectives and be more aware of how his prejudices and projections are affecting his relationships. New stories began to emerge which offered new ways of understanding and creating his experiences.

    Shifting from being defined by anger to seeing himself as capable of change and growth, and being a channel of peace, understanding, and kindness has helped Mr S and his family be very different from where they were a year ago.

    4- Exploring values and intentions: 

    As Mr.S evolved from a “Head over Water” Survival level recovery to a more wholesome bigger version of himself, he began to examine his values and vulnerabilities, intentions and impact regarding anger. As we explored pivotal life moments, the purpose anger has served in his life, he changed his way of looking at his teenage years, and also his work, family and community. This led to a deeper understanding of his emotional experiences.

     This exploration  paved the way for aligning anger with personal values, he rebuilt his relationship with his estranged wife and children, and has started exploring healthier ways of expressing his needs, feelings, situations and story.

    5- Creating alternative responses: 

    The list of alternative responses to Mr.Anger (Dragon/Donkey) helped challenge the dominant narrative that aggressive or destructive behaviours result from anger. He started developing new strategies to harness anger constructively. His strengths, resources, alternative stories enabled him to respond to anger in ways more in life with desired outcomes.

    Key points and summary

     

    Creating balance through understanding the borders and boundaries of an issue helps one come up with creative ways to enhance life. Through keeping a written record of the way issues like anger speak in one’s life, how they disturb equanimity, we saw two different approaches to this issue- a classic Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) approach and a Narrative therapy approach (NT). Creating a positive journal of values, symbols and metaphors (Lotus, dragon, donkey, map, territory, journey) helped co-create better life options. 

     

    Exercise

           Do you have an issue which you need to see through a different lens? Write how it has spoken to you in your life and discuss as appropriate. Alternatively, write a letter to the issue.

     

    References

    White, M. (1984). Pseudo-encopresis: From avalanche to victory, from vicious to virtuous cycles. Family Systems Medicine, 2(2), 150–160. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0091651

     

    White, M. (2007). Maps of narrative practice. WW Norton & Company.

     

  • Grief Awareness Day

    Grief Awareness Day

    by Prashant Bhatt

     

    30th August was Grief Awareness Day, and part of that is thinking about why we need such a day in the first place. Grief is often overlooked as an issue people need help with, and the severity of the consequences can simply be lost in passing.

    It was perhaps put best by Joan Didion in her 2005 book The Year of Magical Thinking, noting that “People who have lost someone have a certain look recognizable maybe only to those who have seen that look on their own faces. I have noticed it on my face, and I notice it now on others. The look is one of extreme vulnerability, nakedness, openness.”

    That inability to see grief means that many suffering from it often do so alone, unwilling to see the issue for what it is and recognize that they do need help. That makes it ever more important to be able to recognize and understand grief, and support those suffering from it.

    The most commonly referenced work on grief is by Kubler Ross and David Kessler, with their stages of grief model. This encompasses Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and finding meaning. But while that is a neat package that sets everything out clearly, what does it mean in practice?

    If we look at a recent case study, we can get some idea of how we find meaning within grief itself. 

    A man’s long-term partner chose not to attend as he went for MAID – Medical Assistance in Dying – support, hoping to avoid further conflicts with his family. While his sons do recognize and accept her, the extended family, including his ex-wife, the mother of his sons, and her relatives, would be uneasy with her there. 

    The result of missing those last moments had a lasting impact though, leaving her with feelings of guilt, shame and confusion, and to help find meaning in all of this, we turn to Narrative therapy.

    Specifically, we utilize the Re-remembering approach of Narrative Therapy. This allows us to dig deeper into the implication of one’s contribution to the person’s identity, that person’s contribution to our life, how one’s identity would be viewed through that person’s eyes and the implication of these contributions (White, 2007).

    By adopting this strategy, the following conversations about identity allowed her to look at how her partner had helped her to process her own loss after the ex-husband passed away, and her desire to be there for her own sons from that marriage. Her partner’s support in that difficult situation led to deeper conversations about the processes of family, parenting and life.

    From here, she was able to see that her own contribution to his identity centered on finding a renewed value and meaning in the connection he had with his stepsons after his marriage had ended. His stepsons spoke at the funeral and mentioned how they had seen a different way of relating as their father (He was the only person they knew as their father).

    Viewing your own identity through another’s eyes allows us to see their impact beyond day-to-day life, revealing a much richer connection and the impact they have in a wider context of our own personalities and behaviors.

    Exercise

    You can do this for yourself too, and it’s a great tool to use when dealing with grief of any kind.

    To try Re-remembering, sit down and spend some time thinking about someone you know who has physically passed. Remember them, and the joint energy you felt in that relationship. To help with this, think about a shared moment, and how it felt to be together in that moment, what you retain from it today and how you could imbibe that energy today.

    Think about how comfortable it was to share that experience, and then focus on what the overall experience, of both re-remembering and of sharing, has been like.

    As an example, when I do this exercise, I think about nature walks in the early morning, the gift my father gave to me many years ago. On the 4th anniversary of his death, I took a walk up the hills near Haridwar, Uttarakhand in India, and used that walk to re-remember him.

    That moment brought everything together, the memory of the joint energy we shared on our walks, and the many walks I had since taken without him, where I had also felt that same energy as part of my experience. But walking in nature was not the only thing that I have carried on from my father’s inspiration. 

    Another is the use of flashcards and checklists. No, those shared moments don’t have to be something out of the ordinary or a specific moment in time. In my pre-school years, I saw him make flash cards of important drugs, how they would interact with other drugs and with body systems in different stages of disease (he was an anesthesiologist). I still use those same techniques today in my work, and I would say that using flashcards and checklists is integral to my professional identity, so important to what I have become. 

    Re-remembering for me brings back all these things, nature walks, flashcards, checklists, and how they each contribute to the meaning of the others. In the 1980s, we went for nature walks to the hills of Shimla, Himachal Pradesh, India and he talked about his younger childhood years. We prayed at the temples which he had visited as a child. Those pilgrimages and museum walks have given me the spirit of taking my own sons, nephews, nieces to museums, natural areas.

    If his spirit would see or experience this, he would view it as an extension of our walks together in the Western Sahyadri ranges and Northern Himalayan ranges of India. It is that understanding that helps put my love of these walks in context, in the same way using flashcards is. Those are the lasting influences of the beautiful relationship I had with my father.

     

  • Counselling Related blogs-2024

    Us-Them

    Intimacy versus Isolation

    Transference: ABC- Awareness,
    BASIC ID, Checklists

    Labyrinths

  • Us-Them

    Loving Kindness is a compassion practice which involves both feelings and wishes. It mobilizes the prefrontal language and intention networks as well as limbic emotion and reward networks.

    Chenango State Park Area- New York State: 2022-October : One of my thinking places where I try to expand my thinking on Ten Thousand Things about the factors and forces, DNA and Development of difficult persons. It helps in my Loving Kindness Practices

    Scenario – Ben (a composite) talked about his lack of assertiveness in the face of an angry aggressive landlord.

    Ben- I should have been able to stand up to this bully. He showed disrespect to my wife.

    Counselor (PB)- How did that make you feel towards yourself, your wife, the landlord

    B- It is a recurring theme, when I have not been able to assert myself.

    PB- Can we do a ABC worksheet and see how the situation leads to some beliefs, and what are the emotional consequences of holding on to these beliefs.

    We then did a ABC sheet, saw the automatic thoughts which arise, gave rating to the feelings related to these thoughts, examined evidence for and against and re-rating the feelings. This way of thought stop, cognitive reframing, seeing the cognitive distortions such as jumping to conclusions, fortune telling, mind reading, all or none thinking, emotional reasoning is a powerful way to gain perspective. (see worksheets below for download)

    Keeping the heart open-Being aware of Us versus them

    Another way to approach the above scenario calls for equanimity to keep the heart open, especially in the face of pain or provocation. Kindness for everyone “Omitting none” is an exercise in which all beings are held as “us” in your heart. 

             Five types of persons you can offer kindness is to : Benefactors, friends, neutral people, difficult people and yourself.

    In above scenario the Ten thousand things exercise is a way to decrease the ill-will

    B-I was not able to assert myself. He was rude, aggressive and inconsiderate to my wife.

    PB- Can we go back and scan yourself for ill-will. Where in your body do you feel that? How was your tone? What did you do as follow-up?

    B- I wrote a long letter to him to tell him how he was off the line, and it was not good.
    Pb- Let us step back and try to reflect on the ten thousand things that have led this person to act in this way. Consider his biologically based factors: like pain, age, temperament, or intelligence.
    B- Well that makes me see his day, how he must have felt when he got the news of the flooding of his apartment. He himself is an immigrant like me.
    Pb- Consider the realities of his life: responsibilities and stresses

    …

    Commentary: The ten thousand things help consider persons in light of whatever you know or can reasonably guess about them, the factors and forces that have shaped their lives. It can be a powerful way to neutralize ill-will and bring a difficult person into being held as “us” in one’s heart and then offer loving kindness.

    References:

    Burns, D. D. (1989). The feeling good handbook: Using the new mood therapy in everyday life. William Morrow & Co.

     Hanson, R. (2009). Buddha’s brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom. New Harbinger Publications.

    ABC Worksheet

    Worksheet_ Loving Kindness

  • Intimacy versus Isolation

    Written by Prashant Bhatt

    Generations , Gender, Geographies make a rich kaleidoscope. In this blog we see how Erikson’s stages which considers broader psychosocial aspects, emphasizes the lifelong journey of self-disovery and adaptation can be used to help navigate tricky family situations.

    Serenity Prayer- when used in conjunction with stages of psychosocial development, helped deepen perspectives, develop trust and calm down matters, clarify issues and convey with confidence her own view point.
    (3 C- calm, confident, clarity)

    Scenario – An elderly lady despairs at the demands her children are placing on her. She feels pressured by her daughter’s lavish wedding plans which make her feel like an object, and not respected for her worth as a person.

    Lady (L) – I live on limited finances. I do not have the resources to spend money which I do not have. We are from a working class family.

    Counselor ( C) : What could be a compassionate way of looking at the situation from your daughter’s perspective? Is there peer pressure? Is there untold pressure from her future husband’s family?

    L- I did not think from that angle.

    C- Let us look at the causes and conditions, factors and forces which are shaping this narrative of spending so much money on shoes, make-up, travels.

    Reflecting on this case and integrating therapy with Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development is a powerful way to shape the therapeutic process. The stages are building blocks crucial to maturation. They overlap and extend to other stages of life. Lack of maturation may lead to imbalances which can be addressed.

    Eight stages of Erikson Psychosocial development are

    1. Infancy: Trust vs. Mistrust
    2. Toddler years: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
    3. Preschool years: Initiative vs. Guilt
    4. Middle school years: Industry vs. Inferiority
    5. Adolescence: Identity vs. Confusion
    6. Young adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation
    7. Middle adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation
    8. Older adulthood: Integrity vs. Despair

    Commentary: As we went through the stages of development, she reflected on her issues of intimacy versus isolation, the way her marriage dissolved, the impact of those acrimonious years on the development of her children.

    The soup was further thickened by seeing the stages of development the children may be going through at present.

    Worksheet

  • Transference: ABC – Awareness, BASIC ID, Checklists

    Written by Prashant Bhatt

    Write the story of your relationship, how it began, what are the concerns which bring you to therapy now and if your partner told this story, how would they tell it, what would be their main concern or complaint? This is a way to broaden the way we think (cognition). Being in health sciences since 1985 (Maulana Azad, Delhi), having been taught about family history, social history and how this impacts the care of clients, I see this play out in many immigrant families who come to Canada, North America.

    Remembering Anthony Burns and William Ellery Channing : Worcester : On my trip to Barre Massachusetts for a Mindfulness Retreat- February 2024. As I finished my Masters in Counselling and the Academic requirements, I went a bit deeper into my Mindfulness practices. This led me to a journey to Worcester, Massachusetts and walk in the countryside, imbibe the spirit of thinkers like William Ellery Channing – who developed Unitarianism, and was one of the spiritual inspirations of the Transcendentalists. He did attend earlier meetings of the Transcendentalist club, but was older than the younger members.

    Diaspora-in Africa

    Having stayed in Libya for 13 years, I met and came to know the diaspora of Indian origin and also many other countries from other Arab , African countries and European countries. These experiences have made me consider the social and emotional factors, including relationships, identity, personal growtand faith. This is in alignment with Erikson’s stages which I had mentioned in my previous blog- Intimacy versus Isolation.

    My family professional background

    My father was a medical doctor (AIIMS-Delhi-1962 passing out)  who specialised in Anesthesia -Poona University 1972 and then in Cardiac Anesthesia (Christian Medical College, Vellore, 1974). 

    One of my formative childhood memories was to see him keep flashcards of important drugs, their main actions, indications, contraindications and how they may interact with other powerful drugs. Having a checklist is very important when many important parameters are concerned, there are tense situations and if overlooked can have grave implications. Another lesson he taught me as I entered medical school was to give your 100% to each patient. “For you it may be one in 100 patients, but for the patient it is 100%. Always give your best to each patient.” 

    Another lesson in self care he taught me was going for morning and evening walks and meditation. His duties to the Indian nation carried him to different areas where families could not go. He used to meditate at least 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the evening (sometimes more). Meditating in nature, by the banks of holy rivers, (sometimes even sitting within the river and meditating) were some of his more advanced practices. The priest in our ancestral village told me that he had seen him pray by the river Alaknanda in the mornings, when I went there with my mother to say prayers after he passed away-July 1999.

    See: 2011-October:  Walks by Alaknanda

    BASIC ID AND TRANSFERENCE

    Imbibing the lessons of flashcards and check lists in counselling made me zero in on issues of transference, countertransference, resistance, rupture, repair and seeing the flight, fight, freeze, forget, fawn, faint, flooding paradigms and help chart client journeys through the BASIC ID multimodal therapy of Lazarus (B-Behaviour, A- Affect, S-Sensations, I- Imagery, C-Cognitions , I-Interpersonal, D-Drugs/Alcohol) (Lazarus, 2019; Van Der Kolk, 2020).

    Transference: It is when one seems to have feelings, desires, thoughts, memories, sensations, interpretations related to an important figure in one’s life such as a parent, teacher, romantic partner, mentor towards someone who is not that person.

    For example: In my case, from the flashcards and checklists which I saw my father make in my childhood, right from my preschool days, this has become a way of life for me. Later, as I entered medicine and specialised in Radiodiagnosis (KEM Hospital, Parel, Mumbai-1993 joining) , the need to have a checklist was important to me.

    Applied in my work as a counsellor, I keep a checklist of whether the client is having any Behaviour which may be self-sabotaging and try to work on how these may be activated in certain circumstances, triggered by certain people, and then try to draw out with the client the emotional and life consequences of such behaviours on himself, his family, his outlook to future. 

    Incorporating a self-care routine, I encourage persons with whom I work with to take time out in nature, do thought stop, develop a meditation prayer practice, journal about these aspects to refine them further, track their growth and imbibe them in an overview of one’s life. I use the DOCTOR acronym- D-Direction, O-Organization C-Cash or Time T-Tracking O-Overview R-Refine.

    A psychotherapy counselling relationship will help create an alliance in which one can be more mindful of our conscious and subconscious thoughts, motivations, biases. One way to improve our awareness is to be aware of transference.

    Here are a few examples

    1. Therapeutic Transference: Persons with a difficult relationship with their father, may unconsciously project unprocessed feelings onto their therapist, either positively or negatively.
    2. Parental Transference: Expectations from parents may be transferred to authority figures. Strict authoritative parents may lead to expectations of such behaviour from their work supervisor 
    3. Romantic Transference: Qualities of a past partner (positive or negative) may be attributed to a new/potential partner. This can influence expectations, lead to exaggerations or extreme positions.
    4. Countertransference: A therapist having their own unresolved issues may be overly protective or dismissive of clients, may enter the victim, persecutor, rescuer triad..
    5. Cultural Transference: Stereotypes may lead to bias. Negative stereotypes about a particular ethnicity may lead to unconscious transfer of feelings onto an individual from that group.
    Worksheet to become more aware of one’s patterns

  • Labyrinths

    Author: Prashant Bhatt

      In the Middle Ages as today, pilgrimages in the form of maps, manuscripts, and pavement labyrinths engendered an experience of embodied pilgrimage for those who could not travel physically to far away sites and shrines. The Maps of 12-steps is one of the paths to spirituality which many follow to see their role in dysfunctional relationships and have a more personal powerful connection with a Higher Power. This blog tells of the Labyrinth at the Jesuit Retreat center of Manresa, Pickering, Ontario. It is examined within the context of 12-Step Spirituality, through the lens of the experiences of retreatants, fellows and the sense of spiritual presence while perambulating this space.(Barush, 2020)

    Drop the Rod

    In my experience, a senior in the program pointed out the pitfall of intellectualising the steps, but not grasping their essence. He listened to the step worksheet and pointed out that I am using this work as a way to show others that I am doing the work, but not having a spiritual program, not being kind. “You have not yet dropped the rod. Now you are using these inventories to beat others around you, with these lists and inventories.” Having been around these labyrinths many times, he could see the false paths which take one away from the core and primary purpose of the program of recovery.

    Embodied experiences serve as a pathway to enhance our comprehension of a Higher Power.

    Natural places where we develop and deepen our connection made me remember some journeys of yesteryears. Now such collages are a regular part of my creativity cycle. These are also my thinking places

    Readings- Childhood and Society-Erik H Erikson, Burlington Spencer Smith park-2024-March

    Erikson describes the difference between way boys and girls use forms. This exercise helps deepen our understanding of how people process thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations in different cultural contexts. Cultural sensitivity is one labyrinth where one is always learning (Erikson, 1963)

    Sympathy and Empathy- Readings in Riverwood- Mississauga- November 2019

    Empathy is feeling with a person, if someone is stuck in a hole, you climb down with them and say you know what it feels like- you think with the person, rather than about them or for them. Sympathy is saying- Huh- It’s is too bad, it will be ok, you want a sandwich? (Jiang, 2015)

    References

    Barush, K. (2020). Labyrinths as an Embodied pilgrimage Experience: an Ignatian Case
    Study. Material Christianity: Western Religion and the Agency of Things, 197-222.

    Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society (Vol. 2). New York: Norton.

    Jiang, J. (2015). Rejection proof. Random House.

    12 step worksheet to rebuild relationship with loved ones:

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    Registered Massage Therapy

    Brings people with similar problems to come together in a safe environment which is facilitated by a group leader. The group helps members to bond and learn valuable skills together and grow together with each other’s support.

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    Family Therapy

    Family is the unit and the foundation of our society. Understanding the family as a system and improving its function by improving teamwork is facilitated by the family therapist.

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